Pacemaker International - On the DPRK

"Reports indicate noone was injured, but aged Japanese men did not write Haikus on the serenity of the ocean that day, leading to new sanctions on the reclusive nation by the Japanese Government"

---

PYONGYANG - Earlier this week, the People’s Democratic Republic of North Korea launched an assortment of missiles into the Sea of Japan. The North Korean press quickly claimed the launchings, stating that they “were totally missile tests, and not a failed attack on Japan.” Attempts at contacting North Korean Supreme Leader King Jong-un where met with “nahnahnah” and “I can’t hear you.”

Exclusive inside sources attest varying stories, with the most reputable claiming the launches were an accident caused by a fight between station operators over an original tube of 1967 Pringles, believed to be the only Pringles tube in the country. Attempts to verify if the tube was Sour Cream & Onion have been met with frustration.

Other sources maintain that the missile tests were caused by cats walking on the keyboards of the launch center. Though sources agree that cats were not punished because they were “too precious,” there is disagreement whether the cats spent the next few hours chasing blips on the radar screens or if they sat on the warm computer drives, and “practically were begging for a tummy rub.”

Regardless of the causes, various national and international organizations have condemned the actions, leading to increased tensions between North Korea and every single nation on the planet.