Office of Learning Assistance Closed

MARIEMONT - Today, an incredible tradgedy struck the unwitting students of Mariemont High School to the very core. On the announcements, a forlorn Mr. Nerl said that infamous phrase, "THE OFFICE OF LEARNING ASSISTANCE will be closed today."

How could such an act happen, and yet school not be canceled? This is the very institution which defines our school? Student Scott Overbey agrees, claiming that "I'd [Scott Overbey} say that they are; a light in darkness, in the fog which surrounds us all."

Though our reporters could not actually idenfity any students who actually knew about what the Office of Learning Assistance was, or what purpose it served, we are confident that this office serves as the backbone of Mariemont's education system. Teacher Kevin Ferry commented, "Is that the college and career planning center?" What more, to the wideheld belief that the OLA serves as a secret intelligence organization for Prince Ethan Augustus David Crouse, royal collegue Cohen Bailey only replied, "Anything is possible."

Further investigation shows that this institution may have some hand in the proctoring of tests, though only Vice-Principal Trevor Block has ever been seen proctoring any standardized tests.

Watch our new forty-two part series, The Office of Learning Assistance in Action to get a close look into the daily lives of those who work there.